


It Is What It Is

by ZoiIsSomehowHere



Category: Xiaolin Showdown (Cartoon)
Genre: And he can talk, Chase doesn't love jack, Jack is sad boy, Le Mime is a good friend, Le Mime's name is Alair, M/M, Mayday Parade, Tis a song fic!, it is what it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:47:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25762360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoiIsSomehowHere/pseuds/ZoiIsSomehowHere
Summary: A fic about Jack's pain.Song - It Is What It Is by Mayday ParadeTW: Suicidal thoughts
Relationships: Jack Spicer/Chase Young
Comments: 7
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

_Yesterday I flew across the world  
And started a revolution  
But truth be told I’m trying to find myself  
In a lovesick evolution  
  
_

Jack sighed as he looked out the window of the plane, seeing all the fluffy looking clouds that were just beneath them. The sky was such a beautiful gradient of cotton candy pastels as the sun set to the left of him, the sun blaring through the window opposite to him where his mother was applying makeup and taking pictures on her phone.

Jack was… okay, so to say. His parents had sprung this move on him pretty randomly, but apparently, they’d been talking about doing it for months now. So, the house in China was cleared out and sold and now they were on their way to their manor in the east of Paris. He knew it was a beautiful place to live, but he was rather bitter.

Living in the city of love and yet he’s ever had someone feel that way towards him, even if he loved them. He hated that he had to live there now, but at least he was in a beautiful city and could try and move on from competing in the Xiaolin/Heylin conflict like he had for the last three years. Christ, he was almost 18 and he was playing these stupid games with 16-year-olds and childish immortal beings. And it wasn’t like he ever got better either. He was still just as terrible as he’d been when he was 15. His robots got better, sure, but the Monks and their powers just got stronger. He’d been left for dead a few times himself, and yet he still went back. And the only person he cared about, and not just wanting to impress, was adamant about wanting Jack gone.

Now here he was, all alone in a new city as the plane landed and he was told his parents already needed to be on another flight to America for a business deal. He grabbed his bag, the rest of his things already at the manor, and followed an escort out of the plane. He looked up at the setting sun and took a breath, continuing on his way.

_  
_ _Oh somebody tell me I’m fine  
And that I’m gonna be alright  
Oh cause nobody’s looking to die  
When they’re happy inside_ _  
  
_

Jack got to the manor after about an hour of driving and was given a key to the place before he was left alone to set up his lab in one of the rooms and get his robots up and running. He was given a room on the ground floor in the far back since all the entertainment rooms were towards the front and up on the higher floors. As he walked in, he paused, seeing all the bots sitting waiting for him to boot them up, but he just stared, turning around instead and leaving the room. He went to the kitchen and found that there wasn’t any food, so he decided to go outside and get some food himself. He changed out of his leather clothes and set them to the side, deciding he’d go to the store and get some new stuff the next day. It was about time he got his life in order.

He dressed in some comfortable sweatpants and tanktop, then grabbed a cardigan his mom had gotten him a long time ago that was way too big for him, then he grabbed his keys, wallet, and phone and went out, closing the front gate behind him.

He walked around for a bit before he found he was standing on the other side of the river from the Eifel Tower. He moved to the railing of the Seine and looked out at the tower that was lit up before him. He wasn’t wearing any makeup, but there were still people looking over at him, probably surprised to see an albino living in Paris. His hair had grown out, and he’d stopped dying it during the move, so his roots were a snowy white while the rest of the red locks were pulled back into a low pony.

He felt so empty inside, but he knew that this move was a good thing, he just needed to figure out what he was going to do instead of fly around the world and collect magical objects. He sighed and looked down at the water for a moment before pushing off the railing and turning around, jumping when he was suddenly looking up at a tall black haired man.

The man had his hair cut short and styled into something a performer might wear on stage with a little hat on his head, and even though he had the attire of a mime, he didn’t have the makeup on. Then the man spoke, perking up when he seemed to recognize Jack.

“Jack?” He asked, moving to hug the slim albino. “Je m’appelle Le Mime ou Alair!” The man spoke, identifying himself as Le Mime.

“O-Oh?” Jack stammered, surprised to see the other villain there. Well, he realized, he shouldn’t be surprised. Le Mime is from Paris, it was where they originally met.

After a moment, Jack’s stomach grumbled and Jack was quickly being pulled along with Alair. He looked up when they stopped and found himself in front of a delicious smelling bakery that seemed to be open late. They went in and Jack shyly ordered some bread in slightly accented French. He was fluent in many languages, but he tended to stutter when he hadn’t used it for some time. Once he had his food, he went with Alair to a nearby bench and sat down with the man, munching on his bread.

_  
_ _But it is what it is  
And it hurts, make it fast  
Well it is what it is  
It gets worse and it lasts_ _  
I never had the chance to promise I’d never let go  
But you let go  
But it is what it is  
And it hurts, make it fast  
  
_

After a Jack finished and he curled up on the bench, Alair turned to him, speaking in rough Chinese. “Jack, what is wrong my friend?” He asked, frowning.

“Ah, I didn’t know you knew Chinese. We can speak French if it’s more comfortable for you, I’m fluent.” He told Alair, avoiding the question. Alair called him out, but in French now.

“Jack, you haven’t answered.”

“I don’t know. I just… I want to change what I’m doing, but I feel like I’ve left myself behind…” He said, looking down at his knees.

“Sometimes that is for the best Jack. You are talking about the conflict, no? Maybe you should attend school instead. I’m sure many places would be delighted to have you.” Alair told Jack, resting a hand on the other’s shoulder.

“I guess, but… That’s not what I’m talking about… I’ve been in love with one of the others on the Heylin side since we met, but he just thinks I’m an annoying brat. I admit I was at first, but… But I’ve grown and changed and calmed down. I’m almost 18, I should have excelled beyond what I am now, but I feel so mediocre.”

“You are the smartest, strongest, and most handsome person I have ever met Jack. If that man doesn’t see it, he is blind. This is your chance to move on Jack, take it and be better than he ever could be.”

Jack paused for a moment before sighing. “Thanks, Alair… I needed that.” He said, moving to stand. “Can we trade numbers? It’d be nice to know someone in Paris. I just moved here today.” He told the taller, handing him his phone to input his number into.

Once they had traded numbers, Jack went back to the mansion. He’d decide in the morning, but he already knew what he was going to do.

_  
Today’s the day I’m coming home again  
But I’m further and further away now  
I won’t leave my bed cause a part of me is dead  
_ _I forgot to face all your pictures down_ _  
  
_

Jack had been gone for three years before he went back to China, finding a nice house about an hour from the Xiaolin Temple. He wasn’t back in the conflict, but he was going to be living in China again.

He hadn’t told anyone from the conflict that he was back, but he seemed to be tracked down by Kimiko as soon as he’d finished unpacking. He’d decided to come back and teach in a prestigious university after having gotten five different Doctorates in the three years that he was gone. Apparently, Kimiko had heard about a new robotics teacher at the university from a friend and looked it up, only to see a picture of Jack. She’d immediately tracked down his new house and came for a visit just by herself.

Jack explained why he moved without saying anything, mostly because he didn’t have to, but also because he’d lost his last Shen Gong Wu the day he was told. He’d taken it as fate and moved with his parents. She seemed stunned that he would just stop and leave the conflict like that, and demanded to know his alternate reason, but Jack just shrugged, looking at where he’d unpacked a clipping from a book that had Chase on it. He bit his lip before he spoke again. “I wanted to rid myself of the hole in my heart.” He said before silently pushing her from his house and locking the door.

He slid down it and put his hands to his face, his shoulders shaking softly. He took a deep breath, calming down before any tears fell. He’d gotten better at that over the last few years.

He stood up and moved the picture into a cabinet, face down so he wouldn’t have to see it until he cleaned that cabinet out. Then he went about making himself dinner.

_  
_ _Oh somebody tell me I’m fine  
And that I’m gonna be alright  
Oh cause nobody’s looking to die  
When they’re happy inside_

Jack had been fine through the first three months of teaching at his University, never letting anyone approach him about going on dates and just getting through lectures and grading work. He was a tough teacher, but his students seemed grateful because they started passing their other engineering classes without much thought because he covered so many topics in his classes. He was able to efficiently teach them what they needed, and when they didn’t do the work, they were sorry for it.

But his sorrow came back after four months when he’d noticed a student passing in the halls that looked quite like Chase. He had just closed his eyes and breathed for a moment before going on with his day, ignoring the pain in his chest from the longing he felt. _  
  
But it is what it is  
And it hurts, make it fast  
Well it is what it is  
It gets worse and it lasts  
I never had the chance to promise I’d never let go  
But you let go  
But it is what it is  
And it hurts, make it fast_

Jack had been surprised when that student who’d passed him in the hall a few months before suddenly came up to him and admitted to having seen him around before and became interested in trying to date him. Jack had to explain that he was Asexual and that he wasn’t interested in dating or anything like that, not to mention it was inappropriate for a student and teacher to date. The last part seemed to surprise the man, as he’d thought Jack was a student. Thankfully, the student understood and left him alone. _  
  
I’ll never get the chance to promise I’d never let go  
I’ll never get the chance cause you’ll forever be the reason why  
I’m not happy inside_

Jack had gotten home that night and collapsed to the ground as soon as he was in his room. Tears poured down his cheeks as he gripped at his chest, curling up on himself. The pain there was so strong, and he couldn’t stop the tears that fell from his cheeks in small waterfalls.

He had eventually cried himself out and blankly gotten up, moving to grade the finals that his classes had just finished taking before the winter holiday. He hated that Chase was the reason he’d never be happy with himself, even with all that he’d accomplished over these last few years. He hated that he still loved the Dragonlord, no matter how many times he tried to move on. _  
  
But it is what it is  
And it hurts, make it fast  
Well it is what it is  
It gets worse and it lasts  
I never had the chance to promise I’d never let go  
But you let go  
But it is what it is  
And it hurts, make it fast  
But it is what it is  
And it hurts, make it fast  
Well it is what it is  
It gets worse and it lasts_

Jack took a step back, looking over the rocky mountain range that he was standing over. He had climbed up here on a whim. It was still winter break, it was the Chinese New Year, and his classes didn’t start back for another week, but here he was, contemplating suicide as he stood on the edge of this mountain.

He’d been hurting all break, crying most of the time if he wasn’t sleeping. He’d called Alair a few times and talked to him, but nothing seemed to hurt the pain in his heart.

He took a deep breath and saw his breath in front of him. He’d forgotten how cold it was, having already gotten to the point where he couldn’t feel his body. Well, if he didn’t jump, he’d die of hypothermia.

He closed his eyes, taking a step forward to stand at the edge. Then, he took another step over the edge.

But before he could fall, someone grabbed the back of his cardigan and pulled him back into a warm chest. The tears pouring down Jack’s cheeks felt hot against his pale, frozen skin and he tried to push away, wanting the pain in his heart to stop.

He finally pushed away, only to see Chase holding him.

Before Jack knew it, a hot, burning anger swelled up inside him and he took another step back, realizing that they were at Chase’s citadel.

“Why! Why now? After all these years you leave me to wallow in my pain and heartache and now you decide that you want to come see me? When I’m trying to stop the pain from how much I love you? When I’ve finally found a solution for the pain in my chest because you either never realized or you purposefully tore me apart little by little until I’d do this anyway? I couldn’t even move on! I couldn’t get past the fact that I love you and that no one will ever live up to what you were to me… What you are to me… Chase… Why?” He burst, calming down at the end and just standing there, crying as he gripped at his cardigan. He was starting to warm up a bit from being inside now, but he was shaking badly from being cold.

Chase seemed surprised by his outburst, but calmed a bit as Jack just stood before him. “I… Jack, I don’t love you, but I will not let you do this to yourself.” The man said, looking at the thin albino. Jack hadn’t been taking care of himself, it was obvious from how grey and thin he was. All his clothes hung on him grotesquely and his face was sunken in a bit. “I did not know how much I had affected you. I simply thought you admired me and wanted to follow in my footsteps. I did not want you to do that, as it was very dangerous and I knew you were too fragile for that. I disliked that you were beaten up on, but I also had my hand in that. I treated you with distain and judged you prematurely. I have been periodically checking in on you to make sure you were okay, and when I saw you standing on that cliff I knew I had to make sure you weren’t going to end your life. I didn’t know the reason why, but I know that you have so much going for you. You have a job, students that rely on and look up to you, and yet you’d rather throw your life away then prove how strong you can be? How quick you bounce back when you’re upset or you fail?”

“I… I can’t bounce back from this Chase…” Jack tried to explain. “Every time I’ve tried, I’ve just felt more lonely than ever. I figured I’d be better off alone… But then that didn’t work…” He said, looking away from the Chinese man.

“I’m sorry I have affected you so strongly that you think that no one can make you happy or make you feel love. But I cannot love anyone Jack. No one lives as long as I do, and I have never found anyone worthy of giving eternal life and to spend it with me.” He noticed how Jack flinched at his words and closed his eyes. “I understand you are upset, but I cannot help you.”

“I just… I can’t move on from this Chase. I can’t move on from you. It hurts when I try and the pain I feel is everlasting. It gets stronger everyday and I feel like I’m going to suffocate. I don’t want to go on knowing I have no chance at all. No matter if I have a life ahead of me. I’ve never felt love Chase, not towards me at least. No one cares enough about me. My parents don’t care at all, the only friend I have, I left in France… You don’t even care beyond trying to convince me not to kill myself.” Jack tried to explain. “I don’t have anyone. I don’t have my bots anymore, and I don’t have colleagues I talk to. My job is only satisfactory, and I’m not planning on taking over my parent’s company. I have no one and I don’t have anything to live for Chase. If you don’t love me and can’t ever love me, than what am I here for? Yes, I’m a genius, but I decided to hide that from everyone. I don’t want people using me for their own gain.”

Chase was silent, contemplating what he was going to say. When it seemed like he had no answer, Jack turned away, moving to leave the citadel.

He was stopped again by a hand holding his. He turned back to see Chase with a worried look on his face.

“Jack… Jack, live with me.” Chase said finally, wincing after he spoke.

“I doubt that you want me to live with you if that’s your reaction to saying it.” Jack deadpanned.

“No, sorry.” Chase said softly. “I was upset with how I phrased it, but I was… I was panicked. I’m afraid Jack. I’ve had people kill themselves because they can’t _be_ me, but never because they can’t be _with_ me. I do not want that to be the reason you die.” Chase explained gently. “The reason I’m suggesting this is to… try and get to know you. Maybe you will realize that I am not worth your time, even after all that hurt… Or I might become affectionate of you. I will not get your hopes up, but this is better than you dying. I will take you to your job every day you need to go, and I will pick you up afterwards, we will eat together and sleep in opposite rooms. I promise nothing but I will hope that you will be able to go on with your life after this.”

Jack turned away for a few moments, contemplating. “Fine.” He mumbled. “But only one semester. If I haven’t moved on or you haven’t started to like me, I’m not going to let you stop me.” Jack said, closing his eyes.

This was going to be a long few months.


	2. Little Do You Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song - Little Do You Know by Alex & Sierra

Little do you know

How I'm breaking while you fall asleep

Little do you know

I'm still haunted by the memories

Little do you know

I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece

Little do you know

I need a little more time

Jack sighed, it had been about a month since he had moved in with Chase, and the only thing he really noticed was how much it hurt to be around the man. Granted, he was learning new things about him. Chase slept in a tank top and silky pajama pants and walked around in pink fuzzy slippers. He had to drink a shit ton of caffeinated tea in the morning before he was truly awake (he said coffee was worse for you). Chase even had a stash of sugar cubes that he sometimes would snack on if he felt anxious or unsteady, which was a lot of the time apparently.

But even with these little quirks he was learning about, Jack’s heart only ached more, knowing that Chase would never fall in love with him, or even like him enough to want him to stay after the semester was up. Jack knew his heart continued to break more and more every day that he lived with Chase, and it was becoming suffocating.

So, Jack did his best to avoid chase, hoping that if he spent time away actively avoiding him, he could try and pick up the pieces of his broken heart. Even if there was still that tiny hope of wanting Chase to love him back.

Underneath it all

I'm held captive by the hole inside

I've been holding back

For the fear that you might change your mind

I'm ready to forgive you but forgetting is a harder fight

Little do you know

I need a little more time

Of course, Jack was stull hurt by all the things that Chase did to him in his youth, but he could understand that for a long time he was pretty annoying. So much so that even he could barely stand himself. But Chase was being very kind to him through the days that Jack was home with him, or even when taking him to the university. He did little things that made Jack’s heart swell but also made it pound painfully in his chest. Taking his bag from him, taking him shopping, buying him dinner, sitting in his office when he needed to stay late. Chase had even sat in on a few of his lectures by the time the second month came along.

Jack was still hurting, but it seemed like Chase actually was trying to get to know him and do little things to try and ease his heartbreak. He doubted Chase liked him, but he was beginning to right the wrong he had done, and that meant the world to Jack.

I'll wait, I'll wait

I love you like you've never felt the pain

I'll wait

I promise you don't have to be afraid

I'll wait

My love is here and here to stay

So lay your head on me

Chase was conflicted with himself. He had told Jack that there was a very little chance of him finding love in the smaller, but yet… Chase often went out of his way to try and make Jack smile, even a little bit. He’d take him shopping and pamper him, ask him questions and get to know him. And the more he knew about Jack, the more he realized that they could potentially have something together. Although he kept this information silent, he continued to stay by Jack, slowly beginning to court him without Jack realizing it.

Little do you know

I know you're hurting while I'm sound asleep

Little do you know

All my mistakes are slowly drowning me

Little do you know

I'm trying to make it better piece by piece

Little do you know I-

I love you 'til the sun dies

Jack began to notice when Chase started to touch him more. Just gentle touches, of course. Brushing his hand, fingers along his hip when they teleported home, a gentle rustle of his hair in a fond manner. He knew something was different with Chase, but he didn’t know what. But slowly, the pain in his heart was starting to fall away, being replaces with ticklish fluttering of wings in his stomach every time Chase looked his way and gave that tiny half smile.

Oh wait, just wait

I love you like I've never felt the pain

Just wait

I love you like I've never been afraid

Just wait

Our love is here and here to stay

So lay your head on me

Chase knew he’d have to talk to Jack about the growing feelings inside him sooner rather than later, or else Jack was going to leave and be gone forever. But he knew it wasn’t the kind of love Jack was looking for. It was crooked, possessive, harsh… Jack would never be able to get free from him once they were together in an intimate way.

But every day that passed and Chase got closer to Jack, he realized that it _was_ the kind of love Jack wanted. The albino didn’t want soft words of praise, he wanted to always know that he was going to be with Chase. Jack wanted to be owned by Chase, and said Dragonlord couldn’t find it in his heart to say no.

I'll wait, (I'll wait)

I'll wait, (I'll wait)

I love you like you've never felt the pain

I'll wait, (I'll wait)

I promise you don't have to be afraid

I'll wait

My love is here and here to stay

So lay your head on me

Lay your head on me

So lay your head on me

When the semester ended and the Winter break started, Jack began to pack his things, assuming Chase hadn’t found any feelings for him besides toleration. He was really only packing so that when he was gone, Chase wouldn’t have to deal with looking at his things anymore and feel hurt or something by it. He was planning to be out by the end of the day and dead by morning.

But before he could pack anymore than just a few knickknacks, Chase was in his room, pulling him away from packing. He grabbed Jack’s wrist and lead him out of the room and to one of the lounges of the Citadel.

Confused, Jack looked up at Chase for clarification, too exhausted and hurt to speak aloud. But Chase didn’t say anything either, and just sat down on one of the couches, pulling Jack into his lap and wrapping himself around him. Chase turned so Jack’s back was to the back of the couch and Chase’s chest was on his front, holding him protectively, bordering on possessively.

And suddenly something clicked in Jack’s mind when Chase began to press his nose to the top of Jack’s head, nuzzling him. Before he could say anything or make a noise, tears started rushing down his cheeks and he gripped onto Chase, hugging him tightly.

“Thank you,” He cried softly, shaking as he pressed his face against Chase’s chest.

“No, Jack, thank you…” Chase whispered back, gently rubbing Jack’s back and making sure that he was going to be okay.

Cause little do you know

I, I love you 'til the sun dies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot more songs that I'll probably be writing song fics for! So keep an eye out!

**Author's Note:**

> So, I heard this song for the first time about a week or so ago and wanted to write a fic for it. I had another one that I wrote, but it didn't fit the song that much so I wrote this instead, and I think it fits better! Enjoy!
> 
> I take requests at my tumblr! https://zoiasks.tumblr.com/


End file.
